My husband and I have been married for almost three years now (three years in December) but we are both in school either part-time or full-time. I originally did not intend on attending grad school after completing my bachelors degree. The plan was to graduate with my bachelors in statistics, get a full-time job and after a year or so in the new job, we would start trying to have a baby.
About two months before graduation I decided to attend a information (pizza) session for my departments graduate program. I honestly only went for the pizza (come on, what college student doesn't like pizza?!) and had no intentions of getting or retaining information about the program. Little did I know that I would be pulled in. After the session I went home and began looking up more information. I didn't tell my husband right away, because I thought he would think it was a horrible idea. They had a mentioned something about a GA (graduate assistantship) at the information session and I was curious. I found out that there were two types; a full GA covers 9 tuition credits per semester as well as giving out a stipend of $4,000 per semester. a half GA covers 6 tuition credits per semester as well as giving out a stipend of $2,000 per semester. I emailed the director of the program with a few more questions and found out that there was a good chance that I could still receive a half GA.
At this point I decided I should tell my husband about the idea that I had. I had been looking for a full-time job for a couple months now, even interviewing for one (outside of my field). I was beginning to worry that I wouldn't find a job. To my surprise, Kevin thought it was a good idea. We looked into it a little more. We even had a discussion about trying to have a baby. It was agreed that it would be best to wait until after I get a full-time job after grad school to start trying (adding at least 2 years to my original timeline).
Fast forward to today. I am half way done with my grad program in biostatistics. I also can't get off my mind what this moment in my timeline was originally meant to be. We had originally had planned on trying to have a baby any time now. It is so hard to look around and see so many young women around me having children (many of which were unplanned) and think that I still have to wait another couple years (roughly 2014). It doesn't help that Kevin and I talk about kids off and on. We already have our baby names picked out and he teases me about how we are having two boys (good thing we can't pick and choose!).
I also can't help but look at all the blogs out there written by women who LOVE to talk about their beautiful children. They post pictures and ideas. They write about their love for their children and about decorating their nurseries. These are things that I hope to experience in a couple years.
What sparked this topic for me to write about today was seeing an acquaintance announce her pregnancy on Facebook this morning. There is also the frequent question I get about when we will start trying. I have relatives who pressure me. I was already given a bassinet by my aunt who declared that I am the first grandchild that will have kids (and since all of my aunts and uncles are done having kids) and therefore should take it. So I currently have a bassinet sitting in my basement. The pastor who married us asks quite frequently as well. The first thing he said to me the first time he saw me after the wedding was to ask if I was pregnant yet. The constant pressure that society puts on women to have children immediately after getting married is CRAZY! I definitely want a baby very soon, but I know it is not a smart idea to have a baby when I am so close to finishing grad school.
I always feel horrible for thinking this way, but if I am a day late I start to get excited at the thought of possibly being pregnant. Now in reality, if I were to get pregnant now, I would already be out of grad school when I would be full term. At this point, if it happens, it happens. But I am definitely big on planning and it wouldn't totally be in the plan. Another problem that would arise with getting pregnant now would be the thought of trying to find a job when I was (obviously) pregnant. I know that employers are legally not allowed to discriminate against pregnant women, but they absolutely still do. I completely understand why they would prefer to hire a woman who has already had a family and know that she wouldn't be taking maternity leave. That doesn't make it right though!
For now, I will have to love on others' babies to satisfy my itch to have my own. I have to realize that I am only 23 years old and have PLENTY of time to have a family of my very own!
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